Wild at Heart (1990): ***

Lula (Laura Dern) is completely in love with her boyfriend Sailor (Nicolas Cage). Lula’s mother Marietta (Diane Ladd) wants Sailor dead after he turned down her advances. The first hit she put out on him failed as Sailor killed the would-be hitman, landing him in jail for two years. After Sailor served his sentence, Lula and Sailor decide to run away from Lula’s controlling mother to California. Distressed and fearing that Sailor knows too much about her past, Marietta asks her boyfriend Johnnie (Harry Dean Stanton) to track the pair down and her past lover Marcellus Santos (J.E. Freeman) to arrange Sailor’s death. During their getaway, Lula and Sailor encounter many strange figures during their drive down the dusty, yellow highway. 

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Inside Out (2015): *****

Inside Out is set inside the mind of eleven year old Riley (Kaitlyn Dias where the five emotions, Joy (Amy Poehler), Sadness (Phyllis Smith), Anger (Lewis Black), Disgust (Mindy Kaling) and Fear (Bill Hader), reside in the Headquarters. They can see everything Riley sees, their reactions influence Riley’s reactions and vice versa, and literally colour Riley’s memories, represented in this world as marble-like orbs. Joy is determined to keep Riley as happy as possible, whilst Anger, Disgust and Fear keep her harming herself. However, they don’t know what Sadness’s purpose is and endeavour to keep her from creating sad memories. After a disruptive event in Riley’s life, her most important core memories – which make up her personality – are sucked away into the memory world, along with Joy and Sadness. Joy and Sadness must return the core memories to Headquarters, to stop Riley from becoming a shell of the happy girl she is.

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Evolution (2001): **

A meteor crash-lands in Glen Canyon, Arizona, creating an underground cavern. Two college professors, Dr. Ira Kane (David Duchovny) and Professor Harry Block (Orlando Jones), are tipped off about the meteor’s existence by Wayne Grey (Sean William Scott), a local resident who witnessed the landing whilst practising for his firefighter exam. Ira and Harry quickly realise that there are alien organisms in the cavern, which are rapidly evolving at an exponential rate. Soon the U.S. Army is involved, led by General Woodman (Ted Levine), and they seal off the site to research and contain the alien lifeforms. However, a series of incidents in Glen Canyon suggests that the aliens are becoming more complex and dangerous. With the help of Dr. Allison Reed (Julianne Moore), Ira and Harry must find a way to stop the aliens from taking over Arizona and the rest of America. 

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Clerks (1994): **

At the Quick Stop store in New Jersey, Dante (Brian O’Halloran) is opening up the shop to cover for another employee, until the boss arrives. Dante is kept busy dealing with the strange and often idiotic customers who patronize the shop. Across the road, Dante’s best mate Randal (Jeff Anderson) is supposed to be running the video rental store, but he spends the majority of his time antagonising Dante’s customers. During the course of the day, Dante agonises over the fact that his ex-girlfriend Caitlin (Lisa Spoonhauer) is going to be engaged, despite the fact that his current girlfriend Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) is completely devoted to him. As the day draws out, Dante seems to be completely inundated with bad luck and the hellish customers. 

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The Double (2013): ****

Simon James (Jesse Eisenberg) barely exists to his co-workers and his boss Mr Papadopoulos (Wallace Shawn), despite working at the company for over seven years. Simon is constantly apologetic and seems cowered by everyone around him. Whilst Simon harbours a crush on his colleague Hannah (Mia Wasikowska), all his small attempts to start a relationship are thwarted by his own meekness and lack of presence. One day, Mr Papadopoulos introduces a new employee, James Simon, to everyone and to Simon’s horror, James looks exactly like him. However, whilst they both look identical, James is the confident and charming version of Simon. As James gains admiration and a good reputation from his co-workers, Simon seems to be in danger of fading away.

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The Muppets (2011): ****

Gary (Jason Segel) and his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) are heading out of Smalltown to L.A. for their 10^th anniversary. Tagging along is Gary’s felt brother Walter (Peter Linz), a massive fan of The Muppet Show, who is excited to finally see The Muppet Studios in L.A. Whilst visiting the deserted studios, Walter overhears oil baron Tex Richman’s (Chris Cooper) plans to destroy the Muppet Theater and build an oil drill in its place. Walter, Gary and Mary find and warn Kermit the Frog (Steve Whitmire) about Richman’s evil scheme. Walter convinces Kermit to gather the Muppets back together for one last performance to raise the money to buy the theatre. 

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The Breakfast Club (1985): ***

One Saturday, five students have to attend their local high school for an all-day detention. The state champion wrestler Andrew (Emilio Estevez), the prim and proper Claire (Molly Ringwald), the delinquent John (Judd Nelson), the geek Brian (Anthony Michael Hall) and the weirdo Allison (Ally Sheedy) are confined in the school’s library at the behest of Mr Vernon (Paul Gleason). John antagonises the others, causes arguments and flouts the rules directly in front of Mr Vernon when he comes in to check on them. As the hours pass, they begin to talk and get to know each other, sharing secrets and discovering they have similar problems. 

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Jupiter Ascending (2015): ***

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is an illegal alien from Russia. She works in Chicago as a cleaner along with the female members of her family. When Jupiter heads to a clinic to exchange her ovum for money, she is attacked by aliens before being rescued by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), half-man half-dog soldier. Caine has been set by Titus (Douglas Booth), brother to Balem (Eddie Redmayne) and Kalique (Tuppence Middleton). They are part of a powerful alien dynasty, The House of Abrasax, and are squabbling over who gets to own Earth. Jupiter is revealed to be the reincarnation of the late mother of the Abrasax siblings, thus entitled to own Earth for her own. Jupiter must survive the numerous attempts on her life, with the help of Caine, as she tries to claim her inheritance.  

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Heavenly Creatures (1994): *****

Heavenly Creatures depicts the friendship between Pauline Parker (Melanie Lynskey) and Juliet Hulme (Kate Winslet), a pair of teenage schoolgirls in Christchurch, New Zealand, as recorded in Pauline’s diaries. Pauline is from a working-class family, relying on lodgers to generate extra income for the house. In contrast Juliet’s family is rich and originally from England, her parents often travelling abroad to work. Pauline and Juliet bond over a shared love of the arts, a vivid imagination and their sickly childhoods. As their relation intensifies and their parents become more concerned, Juliet and Pauline ultimately decide to commit murder in order to remain together forever. 

Heavenly Creatures is tragic in its portrayal of Pauline and Juliet. Both girls are isolated from their peers, due to their love for fantasy adventures and their disapproval of authority figures. However, it is not entirely unwarranted as Pauline’s narration regularly states they are superior in genius to everyone else. Director Peter Jackson employs the tone of an epic romance to his film with Alun Bollinger’s cinematography, consisting of long aerial shots of the rolling hills, Steadicam revolving around Juliet and Pauline dancing together, and hand-held camera following the pair as they crash through the woods. Jackson stages some wonderfully imaginative sequences; one example involves the girls narrating a scene with a sandcastle. The camera charges at the sandcastle, knocking down the door and continuing up the stairs as the girls watch through the windows. As the parents begin to separate them, Juliet and Pauline despair at their situation and double down on their efforts to speak to each other via letters. Heavenly Creatures never fully attempts to explain their mental state; when Pauline visits the doctor, he diagnoses her as homosexual (considered a mental illness until the 1970s) and attributes all of her behaviour to that ‘diagnosis’. Separation anxiety from her childhood is subtly suggested to be the driving force in Juliet’s behaviour, whilst Pauline appears to be resentful of her poor lifestyle and believes her mother Honora (Sarah Peirse) is solely to blame for her woes.

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The Dark Crystal (1982): ***

A thousand years ago the Dark Crystal fractured, creating two races: the benevolent Mystics and the evil Skeksis. The Skeksis guard the Dark Crystal jealously in the castle, drawing energy from its beams, whilst the Mystics live peacefully in the dry, rocky land far from the castle. A young Gelfling named Jen (voiced by Stephen Garlick), the last of his kind after the Skeksis destroyed his race, has been raised by his Mystic master. As the Mystic master lies dying, Jen is told he is part of a prophecy to find the crystal shard to save the world, if he fails the Skeksis will rule the world forever. Jen heads across the strange landscapes with its weird flora and fauna. Meanwhile the Skeksis send out their warriors, the Garthim, to kill him and to stop the prophecy. 

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010): *

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) has now asked for Bella Swan’s (Kristen Stewart) hand in marriage. However, Bella still has confused feelings over the ever-topless Jacob (Taylor Laurent), who is also in love with Bella. Bella’s life is once again in danger when an army of newly-born vampires is growing in Seattle, created by Victoria (now played Bryce Dallas Howard) to finally avenge her partner’s death. 

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The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009): *

The Twilight Saga: New Moon returns us to Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart); to Bella’s disappointment she is still stuck at first base and a lowly mortal, despite constantly asking Edward to change her. When Bella is almost attacked by Jasper Cullen after getting a paper cut, Edward decides it would be safer for Bella to leave, taking the rest of the Cullens with him. Bella falls into a depressive state, to her father police Chief Charlie’s (Billy Burke) concern, which only her friend Jacob (Taylor Laurent) can pull her out of. But Jacob has his own problems and Bella is once again dragged into the supernatural world. 

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Twilight (2008): **

Twilight, based on Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling novel, follows our protagonist Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) as she reluctantly moves from sunny Phoenix to rainy Forks, to stay with her dad Charlie (Billy Burke). Bella begins at a new high school, where she is befriended immediately by her classmates. Apart from Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), who avoids her and acts belligerently toward her. Bella becomes fascinated by Edward and his family, later Edward expresses a similar attraction to Bella. However, Edward’s attraction is also partnered with a thirst for her blood. The Cullens are vampires, although of the ‘vegetarian’ variety as they only consume animal blood. Bella and Edward start up a romantic relationship, however, Bella’s life is at risk when strange vampires start to hunt around Forks. 

Twilight is very faithful to the novel, too faithful. Stephenie Meyer has been lambasted for her clunky and inept writing, which has carried over into the film mostly unchallenged by screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg. The awful cryptic statements are still there, ‘But what if I’m not the hero? What if I am the bad guy?’ Bella and Edward make grand declarations of love to each other, when they are not staring intensely into each other’s eyes, but Twilight only shows their developing romance through montages. A montage of climbing trees and leaning against the branches like they are posing for a magazine, another of them chatting whilst sat on Bella’s bed before Edward watches her as she sleeps. Twilight wouldn’t be Twilight if it didn’t have the male characters vying for Bella’s attention, ‘You’re the new shiny toy!’ Not the mention the problematic nature of Edward Cullen’s relationship with Bella to put to mildly. Here is an incomplete list of Edward’s behaviour concerning Bella: stalking, gas-lighting, controlling, breaking into her house to watch her sleep without her knowledge. Let’s not get start on the dumb character decisions and the stupidity of the plot; otherwise we will be here all day. Twilight is doomed from the start by the text it is ‘adapting’, although it’s a no-win situation as any major adaptation changes would have been meet with outrage by the hard-core Twilight fans. And they are the ones driving the box office sales. 

At least director Catherine Hardwicke has a good understanding of how teenagers feel and act. Hardwicke manages to capture the awkwardness between Charlie and Bella adeptly, the hesitation as they try to reconnect their familial ties after a long time apart. Twilight has some nice small moments scattered amongst the inanity and the creepiness of the film. Bella clutches her cactus, her one memento of Phoenix, as she arrives back in Forks. A small waltz in Edward’s bedroom brings our lovers closer physically than they have ever been before. Elliot Davis’s cinematography relies on grey washed out tones to convey the perpetual dampness of Forks; the only other colours that barely stand out are blues and reds. As Bella and Edward’s romance begins, the camera begins to tilt and swoop dramatically, to ram it into our skulls that this is a heady ‘romance’. Considering the limitations of their characters, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson make a valiant effort to try to convey their infatuation with each other. They both start with closed-off physicality before slowly opening up to each with some reservations. Stewart is clearly trying her hardest and struggles to bring Bella to life, acting reserved and speaking with a halting inflection. Pattinson appears on-screen as though he is already embarrassed to be in Twilight, but he manages to convey an intensity in Edward even if it mainly manifests itself in staring. 

Unless you want to stare at Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson staring at each other, Twilight probably has little to offer you except endless amounts of stupidity.

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Back to the Future (1985): ****

October 26^th 1985. Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) may be a gifted guitar-player with a nice girlfriend called Jennifer (Claudia Wells), but Marty is a slacker and seems destined to join his dweeby father George (Crispin Glover) as the latest failure of the McFly family. His friend Dr Emmett Brown (Christopher Lloyd) has told him to meet him in the early hours of the morning, to show him his latest invention. Doc Brown has created a time-machine fitted in a DeLorean DCM-12, powered by plutonium to travel forwards or backwards in time once you hit 88 miles per hour. Suddenly, they are ambushed by Libyan terrorists and Marty accidently travels to 5^th November 1955, leaving Doc behind and with no plutonium to get him back to 1985. His encounter with his teenaged parents George and Lorraine (Lea Thompson) means the future has changed and Marty is slowly fading away. Marty has to find enough energy to power the DeLorean, ensure his existence and get back to Doc Brown in 1985. 

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Office Space (1999): ****

Office Space is set at the fictional software company Initech, one of those places where the cubicles are grey and so are the walls and ceiling. Everything is drab and the employees look washed out, fearful about being fired and trapped in their cubicles, forced to fill out boring paperwork. One such employee is Peter (Ron Livingston), who is frustrated with his dead-end job and the constant hassle he receives from his numerous bosses. At the behest of his girlfriend Anne (Alexandra Wentworth), Peter goes to a hypnotist Dr Swanson (Mike McShane) to receive some de-stressing therapy. During the therapy Peter falls under a trance where he has no cares or worries, but before Dr Swanson can snap him out of it he has a heart-attack and dies. Peter is completely relaxed as Anne breaks up with, he doesn’t bother going into work even whilst two consultants are busy pruning excess employees at Initech. Instead, he starts to date a waitress Joanna (Jennifer Anniston) who has been crushing on for ages. Later, Peter conducts a plan along with his cubicle buddies Samir (Ajay Naidu) and Michael Bolton (David Herman) – no relation to the famous singer – to get back at Initech. 

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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012): ***

Politician by day, vampire slayer by night, Abraham Lincoln pulls in some long hours in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Based on the novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, the film begins with a young Abraham stopping a slaver from beating his friend William. The plantation owner Jack Barts (Marton Csokas) punishes the Lincolns by attacking Abraham’s mother Nancy (Robin McLeavy), killing her and setting Abraham on a course of vengeance. Nine years later and after an unsuccessful attack on Barts, who is revealed to be a vampire, Abraham (Benjamin Walker) is taken under Henry Sturges’s (Dominic Cooper) tutorage. Henry teaches him how to kill vampires and about the master vampire Adam (Rufus Sewell) who owns a plantation in New Orleans, supplying the Southern vampires with the blood of slaves. Abraham must avenge his mother and win the Civil War to stop the vampires from taking over the United States.

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Legend (1985): **

Legend is set in a non-specified fantasy land, where goblins, dwarves and fairies abound. Princess Lili (Mia Sara) prefers to wander through the forest and sing than stay at her stuffy palace. Her close friend Jack (Tom Cruise) lives in the forest and teaches Lili how to talk to the birds. One day, Jack takes Princess Lili to see the last two unicorns left in the world. Lili is entranced and goes to touch one of the unicorns despite Jack urging her to stop, which allows the goblins led by Blix (Alice Playten), under the orders of the Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry), to kill it. The world is plunged in winter and Lili is captured by the goblins. Jack must stop Darkness from killing the last unicorn and save Princess Lili, aided by the elf Gump (David Bennent), the fairy Oona (Annabelle Lanyon) and a bunch of dwarves.

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Contagion (2011): ****

Beth (Gywneth Paltrow) has returned to her home in Minneapolis after a business trip in Hong Kong, feeling a little jet-lagged. However, Beth begins to have seizures and her husband Mitch (Matt Damon) rushes her to the hospital in a futile attempt to save her life. Beth is one of several people who have caught a deadly virus, the beginnings of an epidemic which spreads throughout the world. A group of scientists from the CDC and WHO are racing to find the source of the disease, with Dr. Mears (Kate Winslet) heading to Minneapolis and Dr. Orantes (Marion Cotillard) to Hong Kong. Meanwhile at the CDC, Dr. Cheever (Laurence Fishburne) tasks Dr Hextall (Jennifer Ehle) to find out what the virus is and to begin work on a vaccine before the world population is decimated drastically.  

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The Phantom (1996): **

The fictional island of Bengalla is home to the superhero Phantom, who is said to be an immortal warrior fighting evil forces. This proves to be false, the Phantom is a role passed down from father to son when the previous Phantom dies. Kit Walker (Billy Zane) is the twenty-first Phantom, returning from America to take up the mantle after his father (Patrick McGoohan) died. Meanwhile, Kit’s ex-college sweetheart Diana Palmer (Kristy Swanson) is investigating a lead for her uncle’s newspaper, ‘The Tribune’; the businessman Xander Drax (Treat Williams) is planning the theft of a rare artefact. Once Drax discovers Diana’s plans, he sends his two of his hired help, the Sengh Brotherhood member Quill (James Remar) and the sky-pirate Sala (Catherine Zeta-Jones) to kidnap her. Kit finds himself on a mission to save Diana and stop Drax from obtaining the three Skulls of Touganda, which grant their owner enormous power when united. 

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Robot & Frank (2012): ****

Frank’s (Frank Langella) memory is starting to go, he can barely look after himself and he believes his son Hunter (James Marsden) is still at Princeton, despite having graduated over fifteen years ago. Frank’s few pleasures in his old age are shoplifting and flirting with the local librarian Jennifer (Susan Sarandon). Tired and frustrated at not being able to see his kids, due to spending ten hours every weekend to check on Frank, Hunter gives Frank a health-care aid robot to help to the chores and keep an eye on his health. At first, luddite Frank is annoyed by Robot’s (voiced by Peter Sarsgaard) presence but soon discovers that Frank can pick up many skills – like cooking, gardening and lock-picking. Frank devises a scheme to relive his glory days as a thief and con-man, with Robot as his trusty accomplice. 

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