Assassin Al Simmons (Michael Jai White) is fired (literally)
by his boss Jason Wynn (Martin Sheen) for reasons that are unclear, a
reoccurring problem in Spawn. After
waking up in Hell, Simmons is offered a deal by the Devil. If Simmons agrees to
lead the Devil’s army when Armageddon comes, Simmons can return to Earth to see
his fiancée Wanda (Theresa Randle) again. By the time Simmons has returned to
Earth five years later and crispier, Wanda has already moved on and is now
married to Simmons’s best friend Terry (D.B. Sweeney). Aggrieved, Simmons goes
on a mission to get revenge on Wynn, who is currently in cahoots with the Devil
to bring about world domination via bio-chemical weapons. Egged on by his
demonic guide Clown (John Leguizamo), will Simmons embrace his revengeful role
as Spawn or will he follow a different path?
One of the very few redeeming factors of Spawn is
its make-up effects. The Clown is a squat, rotund figure with fly away hair
sprouting from his egg-shaped head, cackling away under his blue stylised
facial make-up. The titular Spawn’s burnt skin has an interesting textural
quality to it, what you would imagine a sinewy baked potato would look like.
The only other positive attribute to the film is Spawn’s CGI cloak. It is an
impressive piece of work as it billows around our hero, like a pair of silk
crimson wings rippling in the wind. Clearly a lot of love and care went into
its creation. The rest of the CGI does not hold up at all in comparison, Hell
is PlayStation 2 graphics against bad green screen effects.
Clearly the makers of Spawn,
having identified the teenaged gaming boy as their key demographic, decided to
both pander and patronize them in equal measure. Wynn’s evil henchwoman Jessica
Priest (Melinda Clarke) is tightly clad in leather with guns strapped to her
legs, so the camera and audience can drool over her thighs. No opportunity to
get an ass-shot is passed up, even when Jessica is being beaten up by Spawn.
The film did not beguile itself to this viewer by calling Simmons’s dog ‘Spaz’,
a newly added character for the film to prove Simmons’s really is a nice guy
and to be edgy. Spawn has the dubious achievement of both over-explaining and under-explaining
plot points, leading to moments of tediousness and confusion on top of the
stupidity. One example is the audience is repeatedly told Simmons has spent
five years in Hell, but never why he spent so long there. Was it due to time
differences or was he training? Why does Clown wait for Simmons to set off the
apocalypse, when he could easily do it himself? Speaking of Clown, no amount of
words could fully encapsulate the hatred generated by this incredibly
irritating character, who spends his on-screen time leering at the characters
whilst spouting out fart jokes and engaging in gross-out behaviour.
Out of pity for the actors involved, the less said about
them, the better. Being associated with Spawn is probably bad enough. The acting is not particularly good, but great performances
could not raise this film above awful in any case.
Spawn marked the
poor start of the superhero film revival, but it should be avoid by all even
super-hero completionists. It is best left in the depths of bargain bin hell where
it belongs.
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