Jupiter Ascending (2015): ***

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is an illegal alien from Russia. She works in Chicago as a cleaner along with the female members of her family. When Jupiter heads to a clinic to exchange her ovum for money, she is attacked by aliens before being rescued by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), half-man half-dog soldier. Caine has been set by Titus (Douglas Booth), brother to Balem (Eddie Redmayne) and Kalique (Tuppence Middleton). They are part of a powerful alien dynasty, The House of Abrasax, and are squabbling over who gets to own Earth. Jupiter is revealed to be the reincarnation of the late mother of the Abrasax siblings, thus entitled to own Earth for her own. Jupiter must survive the numerous attempts on her life, with the help of Caine, as she tries to claim her inheritance.  

With Jupiter Ascending, The Wachowskis have set out to create an original science-fiction fantasy universe. In some ways, they have achieved their goal, in others it fails spectacularly. If nothing else Jupiter Ascending is ambitious, although it is wildly unwieldly in its execution. The film is crammed full of ideas and themes: capitalism, genetic reincarnation, transhumanism and Freudian psychology are just a small number of topics that make an appearance. The universe seems to be heavily inspired by anime, from the trailing neon lights of the hover-motorbike and hover-skates, the crazy colourful hairstyles and fashion, to the menagerie of human-animal hybrids. This sense of mishmash also extends to the architecture, where a single location could be a combination of Gothic, dirty industrialist and sleek glass. It’s a kaleidoscope of colour and style, both captivating and confusing to watch.

There’s no getting around the fact that Jupiter Ascending is a massive mess in terms of plot and dialogue. Inconsistencies are everywhere; the plot is overly-convoluted and too many plot points are established then tossed aside. The dialogue invoked howling laughter at several points, particularly the explanation of why Jupiter can control bees and the way she declares her love for Caine. In the hands of a more adept writer, Jupiter Ascending could have been mesmerizing, a trial of three siblings and an intelligent exploration of its various themes. The idea of genetic reincarnation, for example, could have been fascinating to examine. Are family lines an amalgamation of ‘original’ and reincarnated people? How does it affect family dynamics? Are the reincarnated more revered compared to their counterparts? Nevertheless, there are enough intriguing aspects and seeds of a great idea to compel me to consider re-watching it again in the future. I’d much rather watch Jupiter Ascending a hundred times than see Transformers 3 one more time. 

The acting in Jupiter Ascending is….eclectic to say the least. No-one can compare with the majesty that is Eddie Redmayne as Balem, a wealthy intergalactic businessman, the Abrasax patriarch with some serious mummy issues. No-one else can whisper as throatily as Redmayne before screaming then return to whispering as though nothing happened, pouting whilst staring disdainfully under hooded lids at his subjects. Mila Kunis is almost stiff as Jupiter Jones; a cleaner who turns out to be the chosen one. Kunis never displays any wonder at all the events that happened around her. She performs her role far too seriously. Channing Tatum is slightly better as Caine Wise, the wolf man soldier tasked with protecting Jupiter. Tatum has to act distant, refusing to act on any romantic feelings with Jupiter, but manages to inject some intentional humour into the proceedings. Tatum is also contractually obliged to take his top off at any opportune moment, for which the ladies in the audience are thankful for.  

Jupiter Ascending is a trashy combination of beautiful visual design with a disastrously poor plot and dialogue. If approached as one of the most expensive B-movies around, you might have a fun viewing experience.